absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
