his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
