We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
