Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
