I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
