I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
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