He asked to "fluff my boner.."
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize