never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
