I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
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