forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize