i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize