ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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