i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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