I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I have post one night stand depression
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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