this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She bit a glass in half.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
