So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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