Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Randomize
