you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
