I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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