we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
When did angry sex become our thing?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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