oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
