Who did Billy Mays play for?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize