Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
