I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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