Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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