Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
