it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
