I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Sext me about skeletons
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
