i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
