just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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