Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
