No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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