I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I smell stomach acid.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
