Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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