I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
