How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
