True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize