It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Mom said you looked used
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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