I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
