I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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