i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
