Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
