Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
