Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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