So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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