do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
