I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
