Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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