my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
