You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You can't special order awesome
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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