Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
