I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
