TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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