Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
