so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
