Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
