This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
