Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
there is glitter all over my balls
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