just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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