is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
