oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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