I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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