I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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