She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
