so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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