naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
