I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
