WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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