We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
