I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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