im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
