Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
