who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
