I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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