I think I am morally bankrupt
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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