You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
