I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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