Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
