now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
