Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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