don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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