What did we do last night that was yellow?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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