He disabled his match.com account in front of me
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The dick lei will go down in squad history
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
